Have you ever been lied to?
More than likely.
How did it make you feel?
Okay, well, have you ever lied to someone?
Of course you have.
How do you think it made the other person feel?
We’re all human. We all tell lies, but when is it a “little white lie” that’s “harmless” and when is it a lie that can utterly destroy the trust in your relationship?
With communication comes honesty. Personally, I don’t like to be lied to, and I know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way. My motto has always been I’d rather be smacked with the truth than hugged by a lie. Now, I’m not telling you to go up to your significant other and tell them you think they’re a fat ass, but you can tell them you’re concerned about their health and would like to get healthy together.
What I’m saying is if something is bothering you or you made a mistake … fess up. Tell your significant other. Well, that’s common knowledge you might be thinking, but, believe me or not, many don’t, believing the truth won’t be found out. This is a big mistake.
HUGE!!! (Do not, I repeat, DO NOT lie because it WILL come to light and you may not like the consequences it holds.)
The truth may not come out right away or even in a few weeks or years but it WILL come out. And when it does your significant other will be not only upset and hurt about what you lied about but the betrayal will be compounded by the fact you lied and have been lying for however long it took until the truth was uncovered.
You must communicate honestly if you want your relationship to work. We all make mistakes, but don’t make it worse by lying. And trust me, it will.
One way of lying that so many believe is a gray area (or they don’t consider it a lie at all) is omission. If you have to leave out aspects and details of something due to believing it will hurt or upset the other person that is omission, and by leaving out information you are being deceptive. Deception by definition is the act of deceiving someone. Deceive by definition is causing someone to believe something that is not true.
Its-o-facto, omissions are lies.
Let’s be honest, if you’re leaving out information you’re no longer being transparent. Without transparency how can you expect to have effective and honest communication? How can you expect your partner to feel the safety we all expect and need to have in our relationships?
A lie is a lie is a lie and by doing so can have extremely harmful repercussions for your relationship.
So if lying is so horrible why do people do it then?
Well, here are a few reasons why people lie:
Selfishness – It’s all about them wanting to have their cake and eat it too. They wouldn’t want to be lied to but they have no problem with you not knowing because they don’t want to face the repercussions of their said actions.
Guilt – They may realize what they did was wrong and don’t want to admit it.
They’re worried if the truth gets out they won’t be seen as the ”good” person people believe they are.
Fear – They’re scared of the repercussions for said actions (ex: loosing the relationship).
What are some reasons you shouldn’t lie?
* Lying requires you to keep up a façade. You have to remember what you said and who you said it too. Keeping the lie straight is stressful. For me it’s too stressful and causes anxiety attacks so I like the motto “Honesty is the best policy”. I want to be able to sleep at night knowing and feeling good about myself. I absolutely want to be able to look my loved one in the eyes.
* Lying causes mistrust, and, once a person loses trust, it’s extremely hard to get it back (and, even if you do, it will never be the same). As the saying goes, “It only takes a second to lose trust but years, if ever, to gain it back”. If you have someone’s trust, why take a chance of losing it by lying?
* Once you start omitting truths it lays the path for more deception and betrayals, but if you’re honest, it opens up your relationship to more honesty and, most importantly, trust. The more truthful you are, the more your significant other will feel mentally and emotionally connected with you. And isn’t that what we all want?
* By being honest you are showing your partner that you have their best interest at heart.
Let’s say, for example, you cheated on your partner. Sure you could lie to cover up your indiscretion, but at what cost?
The truth will eventually come out, and, when it does (because it will), everything you’ve done is now compounded by the fact that you lied. Whereas if you fess up and admit your wrong doing right away you would be showing your partner you at least have enough respect for them to not lie to their face.
You also give them the opportunity to take it or leave it. As in they can decide to stay with you and try to work it out or they could walk away. But at least you have given them the given them the choice instead of keeping your discretion hidden away in the dark where they can’t make a decision because they are in the dark about it.
Which would you prefer?
Them not cheating?
But let’s say that not an option because they already have.
Would you rather have the choice to take it or leave it?
Now, what do you think your partner would want?
Seriously think about that the next time you think about lying regardless of the reason.
Would I like or appreciate it if they did this to me?
Okay, well, I’m not going to do it then, or, well, I’ve already done it so I’m going to be honest with them about what I’ve done.
Honesty breeds trust, and everyone wants to be surrounded by people we can trust.
Trust is the foundation of a strong, healthy, happy relationship and it all begins with honesty.